


why can't it be

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: but i cant help writing angst, i hate writing angst, lol bye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:17:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7262098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeonghan remembers the boy, but he doesn't remember the feeling anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	why can't it be

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a smol, sad bean. hit me up @minmoongs on Twitter!

It has been six years.

Jeonghan wakes up with a small smile on his face, wondering if the kids will be as hyperactive today as they were two days ago when he dropped by his friend's daycare institute. Chan, the six-year old who immediately clung onto his coat the moment he entered the kids' room, never stopped talking about his uncle who just came back from America. It took him a few hasty breaths and two small cartons of chocolate milk to finish his story of how he and his uncle spent Christmas together the year before and how his uncle seemed to always be sad whenever they talked about Korea. He kissed the kid goodbye when he went out that afternoon to tend to his barista duties at Woozi's coffee shop downtown, promising the child he'll be coming back again for more of his stories. 

"Honey?" Someone asks from the other side of the closed door of their room and Jeonghan knows the owner of the voice too well. "Are you awake now?"

"We're having breakfast now?" Jeonghan sleepily asks as he scratches his arms.

"I made your favorite pancakes."

Jeonghan's ears perk up at this and he springs up from his bed to open the door right away, revealing his boyfriend of two years.

"I am so lucky to have you, Jisoo." He kisses his lover's cheek lightly, pulling him closer. Jisoo wraps his arms around Jeonghan's waist, smiling.

"Let's head downstairs now before the pancakes start cooling."

Yes, it may have been six years since Jeonghan has had his heart broken into pieces, but at least Jisoo was there to pick his pieces up and at least he tried so hard to stick it back together. And yes, Jeonghan _is_ thankful.

The kids are, as expected, as active as ever, running around the room when Soonyoung announces that toy time is already about to end and it is story-telling time afterwards.

"I don't want to!" Chan says the loudest among the students and Jeonghan eyes the kid as he runs around with his toy plane. 

Soonyoung shakes his head, sitting down on his chair as he continues on staring at the frantic steps of the children around him. Everyone had big smiles plastered on their faces and Jeonghan knows his friend is just letting all of them get tired because they'll eventually lose energy after all the running they've been doing.

"Chan!" He calls out while the child is busy pretending to let his plane fly and Chan looks at him immediately, raising his eyebrows.

"Jeonghannie-hyung? Why?"

"Come're." He makes a motion that tells Chan he needs to come over and the kid runs to his side, tugging on his coat with his usual manic smile. 

"Why? Did I do something wrong?" He giggles and Jeonghan picks him up to pinch his cheek as Chan scrunches his nose.

"Nothing, just hyung wanting to keep you close this time because you're my special ball of fluff here."

Chan suddenly points somewhere and Jeonghan whips his head to the direction where the kid is pointing, realizing that someone is trying to open the door because the knob is slightly moving back and forth.

"Wait here." He puts him down gently, giving his plane back. "I'll just open the door."

He walks over to the door and Jeonghan hears Chan shouting something towards him. 

"That's my uncle!"

Jeonghan unlocks the door and he pulls it open, smiling widely for whoever's behind the door and his smile drops after realizing who it is.

"Hi."

Jeonghan remembers. Of course he would never forget the boy who left him at the altar years ago. Of course he remembers him, the boy who swept him off his feet when they first met and who made him feel like he was on top of the world.

Jeonghan remembers Seungcheol, of course, and he will never forget him.

"Jeonghan?" 

It was a mix of confused signals, awkward glances, and shy touches before Jeonghan finds himself sitting across the man who left him broken some time ago, inside the coffee shop his bestfriend owns and also where he partly works as a barista. Woozi shoots worried glances towards him after seeing who he is with but he gives him a sincere smile, assuring him he’ll be alright.

  
_“Closure.”_

It’s what they both needed, it’s what Seungcheol assured him they’ll be having after asking him out for a cup of coffee, and the main reason why he said yes.

"So, how have you been? It's been-"

"Approximately six years." Jeonghan bluntly says, staring blankly at Seungcheol who seems to feel smaller by the minute.

"I want you to know that I really regret leaving you back then, Jeonghan. Fear came over me that time, knowing I'm gonna be bound by our marriage until my death. I felt restricted, like something's going to hold my neck until my last breath." Seungcheol rubs the back of his neck, avoiding eye-contact with Jeonghan. "That's why I ran away and left for America because I was ashamed of myself."

"I have already forgiven you, Cheol." The name of endearment he used in the past for Seungcheol seems to leave a burn on his tongue, but no pain resides in his chest unlike before and there really isn't any grudge anymore. Jisoo helped him forget and move on, forgive and understand; he helped him be the better person to go on with life without holding any anger inside him. Jeonghan has truly forgiven Seungcheol long ago, no doubt about that.

"Really? Even after you've loved me so dearly, you have forgiven me already?" Seungcheol has his head sunk low, tracing the rim of his cup of coffee with his finger. "That's-"

"Yes." Jeonghan answers. "My love for you really was the reason why I wasn't able to pick myself up a year after you left. The pain was a constant reminder of how attached I was to you. But me being able to move on just tells how I don't love you anymore, doesn't it?"

Seungcheol looks at him with such a soft gaze that Jeonghan might have mistaken it as his loving gaze, but that is if he were the Jeonghan years ago.

He's not anymore.

And to be fairly honest with himself, he doesn't clearly remember what it felt to be around Seungcheol anymore and how happy he was. It's a clash of blurred memories that don't affect him anymore. He knows Seungcheol was there in his past memories, but other than that, that's all he remembers. He was there, Seungcheol was there.

"But I still love you, Jeonghan. And now, I'm ready to be with you." Seungcheol confesses, reaching over to hold Jeonghan's hand that's flat on the table. Jeonghan pulls away, smiling.

"No."

Seungcheol stares at him, waiting for his explanation and Jeonghan gives him one. "Well I don't anymore and that's it."

Jeonghan stands up from his seat, brushing Seungcheol's hand off his own and he bows at him to give courtesy to what they had in the past. "Thank you for taking me out to coffee, Cheol. But I have to go." He wouldn't deal with this. Seungcheol left him already, no need to talk about getting back together again. He isn't some kind of door that one could enter and exit from without any consent from him. He's already happy without him and Jeonghan doesn't want any negativity in his life anymore. He remember Jisoo's smile, his warm embraces, and kisses that always feel like _home_.

That's all he needed.

And unlike Seungcheol's love, with Jisoo, he can clearly remember his love; how it makes him feel when they glance at each other, how exhilarating it is to spend time with him, and how everything in the world seems to disappear when they are together.

"Goodbye." He waves, leaving Seungcheol's distressed state to head out of the coffee shop.

He comes home that night feeling lighter than usual. Jisoo cooked dinner for the both of them and _this_...

This is what makes Jeonghan happy. Jisoo is the man who Jeonghan loves now. This is his life and these feelings are the ones that he has engraved on his mind already.

Yes, Jeonghan remembers Seungcheol; the boy who left him and hurt him so badly he never thought he could live another day again. And yes, it's all he remembers; he remembers Seungcheol and the past memories, all the pain and hurt and agony.

But the love? No.

He remembers the boy, but not _that_ feeling anymore.


End file.
